Every child wants to be with his mother. This year, more than any other, my classroom has a number of children that are isolated from their biological mothers. All of these children have other family members that have stepped in and assumed the responsibility of providing care and a supportive environment to nurture their growth and development. Two of the girls have been adopted by their current family.
In the classroom there are a number of ways these feelings of isolation and/or abandonment are exhibited. One little girl, who was taken from her mother and placed with her grandmother, is very reserved and at times withdrawn. I must be sure to always speak directly to her by name to draw her in to our activities and make frequent eye contact. Another child constantly calls out my name for attention. In the mornings he is always right by my side during circle, we hold hands for 20 minutes during that time. Another girl is very emotional and sensitive. She will frequently cry and I have to help her work through those emotions.
Understanding child development and the critical social emotional growth my Kindergarteners are experiencing helps me to be patient with them. It also makes me wonder about children in other parts of the world that are experiencing the isolation because of their mother dying of Aids. The website Kenya-Advisor.com estimates that “everyday 700 people die of AIDS in Kenya and there are an estimated 1 million child orphans due to AIDS in the country alone. In other cases, mothers have abandoned the baby somewhere because of extreme poverty or being single.”
Orphans in Kenya are being cared for by institutions and family members or neighbors that can take them in. The Berger (2009) text explained that children raised in institutions during the early childhood years can have a lower IQ than their counterparts.
Berger, K. S. (2009). The developing person through childhood (5th ed.). New York, NY: Worth Publishers.
I have a boy in my class this year who is being raised by his father because his mother abandoned them several years ago (in fact, this boy's father is also raising the mother's older son who is not his biological son at all). Anyway, this father is a tattoo artist by trade and was quite an imposing figure when I first met him (he is covered in tattoos and piercings). To make a long story short - this man is the one of the most kind, nurturing, loving parents I have ever met. His son is one of the most self assured, stable, logical, caring and empathetic children I have ever met. It seems, in this case at least, that the absence of a mother can be compensated for.
ReplyDeleteThis case is extraordinary, though. In general, children who have strong, positive relationships with both of their parents are the most stable and successful. My two older sons have no contact with their biological father and it is clear that there is something missing in their lives and in their hearts. My husband acts as their father, but he was not in our lives when they were younger. I am very grateful that my two younger children have been blessed with two loving and present parents. I think many people in our society do not realize how important parents are to children's emotional health.
It sounds like you have a really difficult situation in your classroom. They are lucky to have a teacher who is supportive and patient having the knowledge to give the children what they need. The statistics in Kenya are sad. Children who have both parents do not always know how lucky they are to have been given a head start in life. But studies also show that as long as children have at least one caring adult involved in their lives they can succeed.
ReplyDeleteIn reading your blog, I thought of several of my students who have parents deployed. They exhibit the SAME varying behaviors. It just reminds me that an absence is an absence be that incarceration, military, or abandonment. In my situation the remaining parent becomes just as needy as the student.
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